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Prob’ssibly Speaking

Posted in General Stuff, Psycle Products on February 8th, 2010

If it isn’t entirely or widely well know that’s probably because it hasn’t been made very clear.

Misfit Psycles Inc is currently and officially considering a vastly variant approach to the current business model.
At this time we are potentially considering the possibility of maybe shifting to 100% domestic manufacturation.

Entirely.

By domestic I do mean North America.
By manufacturing I do mean in-house or locally sourced.

This is nothing new.
Since inception the great Empire has always considered the delicate balance of cost, quality and country within the facets of product design, development and marketing.

With some items we have been successful.
With others we have failed, cost and or quality and or constraints was out of kilter.

Domestic manufacturing for us:

(More) expensive.
(More) complicated sourcing.
Requires an expansion of facilities.
Necessitates a dichoto-tomic reduction in catalog offerings.

…at least historically and initially.
But then…

Local sourcing offers:

Inventory, reduced.
Lead times, eliminated.
Quality control, improved.
Generation adoption, quicker.
Moralistic superiority.

The move isn’t a huge stretch.

This is where we stand:

Psycle gear…current. AXIS GEAR.
Frames…current and expounding.  TRUE NORTH.
Conversion kits…processing and quoting.
Handlebars…shit fuck.

Handlebars…have always been a problem.

Segmented and welded bars are ugly, clumbsy, expensive and difficult to mass produce.
Moto bars and ‘typical’ benders available are for straight gauge.  Wedges and shims are shite.

Bulges, in all their glory, are where it’s at.

Once you have accentuated your bar bulge, you may bend it.

But, bulging bended bar isn’t really finished unless you can do it sideways.

So…offshore and production…

Or…domestic and custom…

Truth be told, financing options need to be considered.

So just what can we get for zero down?

Final Revision Take Three

Posted in General Stuff, diSSent Al, diSSent Fe on February 7th, 2010

diSSent Mk.iv production is roaring forth.

05/02/10 00:18 EST diSSent AL production began in TW.

01/29/10 14:10 EST diSSent ALC production began in BC.

Mr THE Lepper.

Your dropouts , like yourself before you, are a multination sensual sensation.

More specifictually.

That is the Mk.iv before the Mk.iii even hits a shore near you.

If you were anticipating delivery of a Mk.iii diSSent (AL).
Stop.

Here at Corporate Psycles, we allow for a certain amount of obsolescence in each and every little thing we design.
By continually revising our products we are better able to provide the buying public with the facade of forward thinking industry stewardship.

That kind of spastic revisionism, along with our exceptional human insights, are part of this charming condition.

Details?

There aren’t many.
What there is needs TBA and TBV but for now we anticipate pricing revisions:

  • AL 450usd
  • ALC 700usd
  • FE 1000usd

Pre-orders will be accepted at a discounted rate beginning 12/02/10.

LEPPER dropouts are ONLY available on the AL and ALC versions.
ALC
and FE frames are 100% domestic and hand-made.
ALC
and FE frames are pre-scheduled to be in limited supply.
AL frames will be considered enmasse.
ALC
and AL will be available for dealers in Canada and the US.

WATCH FOR DETAILS HERE.

Planning A Head

Posted in General Stuff on February 5th, 2010

Announcements and postings are already written and hidden for this coming Monday and Tuesday.

diSSent statii:

Production possibilities:

Do what you will for now, but come Monday morning, be ready to feel good.

For those of you wearing panties.
If they haven’t melted by Tuesday at 08:00 we’ll give you your money back.

All of it.

Motivationally Speaking

Posted in General Stuff, Team Psycles on February 4th, 2010

What was promised:

What was delivered:

Clearly this WAS to be a candid declaration of that what is my motivation, expectation, status and even a few secret psycle training tips for the coming season.

Regrettably, expectedly and in reality, what we have is more of a musing.
A musing with the best of intentions.
But one without much actual content, direction, flow or purpose.

Let’s begin.

I have never looked good in tight pants.
Few people do.

Watch my feet pound holes in plywood,
Watch my hips crush plates of baked goods.

Long ago I was as a throbbingly vascular hunk of a man.
And a relatively predictable 109.8 kg (242 lb).

Not that long after I began cycling (cycling as a lifestyle that is.  As opposed to merely riding which is for children and people who have lost their license to a DUI) it was quickly reduced to the sub 100 kg range.

Watch out for my body rolls.

Not because I was fat persay.

There IS a logical explanation.

High kick.
High kick.

As my riding increases, gym time decreases.
Subsequently my weight decreases.

As my riding decreases, gym time increases.
Subsequently my weight increases.

Work that elastic, it’s looking fantastic.

Case in point.
After a large mileage spring had dropped my mass to some 93 kg (205 lb) I began ‘tapering’ two weeks prior to TransRockies 2007.
Bored and incapable of sedentary activity, I returned to the gym instead of riding.
By the go gun I had returned to 98.4 kg (217 lb).

It’s just the power of lycra tickles my tygra.

My weight trends largely from week to weak.
There has not (previously) been a notable correlation between mass and performance.

That’s the thing about being a poor cyclist.
There are so so many factors, so many excuses.  Improvement is sometimes a matter of remembering your shoes or installing your chamois, skids in.

Weight has never really been a consideration in my ‘training’.

Off or On seasons.

When I place my legs in a cage of spandex,
I dance like hell to release the madness.

Cyclists wear spandex.
I have accepted that.  On occasion externally embraced it.

I was already wearing tight pants,
I just did not activate them.

NOT to be confused with skinny jeans.

There is a (hindsightily) humorous story concerning myself, skinny jeans, three young boys and a catastrophic wall malfunction at Lucky Brand store in Toronto…

…in the end, literally, it wasn’t simply that a failed attempt to thrust my Herculean jams into a pair of (unmarked) skinny jeans sent me violently flailing toward the flimsy denim partition (thereby revealing a portion of my rippled extremities to a crowd of soon-to-be admirers).   It was the fact that I had to explain (to three highly impressionable boys) why their father (a man of supreme fashion sense and general awesomeness) would even TRY to install a pair of abhorrently slimming jeans in the first place.

Despite mine best denial, I fear they may not believe me.

Actual question:
“Once you’re drunk, are you stuck like that?”

Cyclist’s wear Tight Pants.

I want to own them.
But can you even dance in those pants?

Watch me woman!

Why might weight be important THIS offseason?

Because I am not riding so much.
Because I am going to the gym much more.
Because looking fantastic is important to me.
Because it’s important to you that I look fantastic.

In fact, looking fantastic will be a requirement for Team Psycles 2010.

What does that mean?
Why it means more Tight Pants of course.

Leslie has graciously provided the quotes to Psexy Psycles today, tomorrow, she will provide the pants.

Genuine Tight Pants.

Prior to ordering copious quantities, enough to cover all members members, I have procured the last remaining LARGE.

As a sample.
As a surprise.

Surprise!

My motivation?

This video was embedded using the YouTuber plugin by Roy Tanck. Adobe Flash Player is required to view the video.

All sweet and tender like a tiny baby kitty.

I Hate You

Posted in General Stuff, Training on February 2nd, 2010

Among other reasons, I hate you because of the offseason.

Realistically speaking, the best one can hope for (during the offseason) is to impede a complete erosion of fitness.

Many cyclists, too many cyclists, relish the affirmation that their season ‘knows no end’.

They declare with a heaping helping of superiority that, for them, ‘cycling is a lifestyle’.

These cyclists are duct taped grocery bag sock wearing idiots*.

*And jerks. And stupid.  And should be abhorred WHILE being publicly beaten with fat sticks.  Sticks of disproportionate diameter NOT necessarily sticks designed specifically to beat the fat…although I firmly do believe that an increased number of fat sticks (sticks designed to beat the fat for being fat) WOULD help alleviate the impending crush on our socialized medical systems.

Weather is NOT the predominating impetus for the offing.
At least, it doesn’t have to be.

The offseason is a naturally occurring phenomenon.
It is a resultant concessionary FACT.
A statistical bi-product of a delicate seasonal equation.

Opportunity to Interest to Investment to Output to Satisfaction.

Full season riding is not efficient.
Winter riding is a not training.
Full season riding is not practical nor financially viable.
Winter riding is, at best, an excuse not to do something more productive.

Sadly, winter riding is yet another indication that narcissism is firmly entrenched in the elastane fiber of simply being a cyclist.

Previously at LIESNSHITE we have discussed, rather I have posthumously and pejoratively declared (to your fervent approval) , mine own repugnance towards what is a seemingly veracious vanity* expounded by the majority of cyclists.

*In conventional parlance, vanity is the excessive belief in one’s own abilities or attractiveness to others.
Wikipedia

Take a look around.
At your next ‘race’.
On MTBR.

Cyclists are why cycling isn’t more popular.

To the non-pedalic public cyclists are of the lessthanlikeable sort…obsessive, conceded, self righteous, vain, insecure and odd.

Cyclists are to sport what Hummers are to evolution.

Superficially speaking, the general public considers cyclists amongst the mostly detestable underbelly of society.

Politicians, lawyers, car salesmen, more lawyers, bankers, plus size lingerie models and myself.

Cyclists.  Motorists hate them.  Pedestrians hate them.  Bike shop employees hate them.

What seperates cyclists from these ‘other’ unlikeables is simple…

  • The ‘other’ unlikeables KNOW that society doesn’t like them.
  • Society (albeit begrudgingly) NEEDS this collection of unlikeables.

Not buying it?

Of course not.

You’re a cyclist and you KNOW sooo much better.

NEXT:

Not necessarily in this order.

  • diSSent (ALC) pre-buy.
  • diSSent (AL) pre-buy.
  • diSSent (FE) availability.
  • Offseason Training Tips.  We (the experts) discuss how my (new) 2010 offseasoning will allow for 33% MORE pummeling of the PORTLY PEPPER and a 14% FURTHER fling of the PUNY DING.
    Regrettably I was unable to come up with something appropriate for ThadThad Thad he’s not THAT bad…was nearly condescending enough but not.
  • More contempt for cyclists.

That is all.