This is what’s clogging my desk today.

CRANK THE SHIELD

As some of you may or may not be aware, Rich DICKY Dillen, will be gracing the 2010 edition of CRANK THE SHIELD.
Regrettably, any and all opportunity for registration has now passed.
You CAN, however, purchase an existing spot: where one may be.

Somewhat possibly unaware, a special envoy will be collecting his Dick’ness at the YYZ on Thursday September 16th and transporting him directly to Misfit Psycles Headquarters.
And JOYRIDE 150 will be there too.

Any truth to the rumour that Dicky is in town to sign his corporate-race-contract for the 2011 season is greatly anticipitory.
Fact is, 2010 Dicky stinks, stinks like Bush.

Date and intent are sound.
Official posters may or may not be completed.
Time and details remain to be confirmed.

“Meat Dicky Dillen BBQ”
September 16, 2010
17:00 to Close (to be confirmed)
JoyRide 150 – 150 Bullock Drive

Entry to JoyRide 150 NOT included.
Nor is beer.
Or anything else for that matter.
Except maybe signed collector cards…they will be FREE…and probably plentiful.

Details will follow.
Cyber stalkers that are prone to bouts of disappointment based depression are strongly discouraged from attending this event.
Not sure if that’s you?
It is.

ANTI-RACE

Confirmed (un-officially) some time ago, your emails continue to punish me by disregard.

Date and intent are sound.
Course is set…more or less.

“Anti-Race”
October 30, 2010
14:00 to 17:30 (to be confirmed)
3-Stage – Collingwood, ON

Details and registration will certainly follow.
Pregnant men and annoying children are STRONGLY discouraged from attending this event.

DEL-STALK

A resultant bi-product of the Anti-Race, Del-Stalk has taken on a life and times of it’s own.

New for 2010…an official POSTER PRINT.
Provided it’s done in time.
Otherwise it will be re-labelled 2011 and no one will know.

“Del-Stalk”
October 30, 2010
19:00 to termination
Down-town Collingwood, ON

Accommodation and escort discounts  will follow.
There are no restrictions for Del-Stalk, this is Del-Stalk afterall.

Effective immediately there will be no further discussion concerning matters of lesser positivity.

For effectively this evening designers of the most fashionable order have cranked out three of the most limited shirts you will set eyes upon.

This is no DICKY does jersey come t-shirt cut and paste magic no-show either.

This is genuine intergalactic live-trace overlays.
In techno-cotton-colour.

1) Misfit Psycles WORLD TOUR:

This genuine world wide commemorative ‘T’ is not available in any store..at any price…not even for gobs of Canadian money at the psyclestore.
If you want one of these wonders (to best remember your brush) you MUST be in attendance at one of the tour stops (limited number per stop – a number based entirely on the amount of free shit that particular promoter offers in exchange).

First stop – Dirt Sweat and Gears May 15.
Second stop – Trans-Sylvania Epic May 30 – June 5.
Third stop – Summer Solstice June 26-27
Forth stop – Breck Epic Aug 21-27
Fifth stop – Crank The Shield Sept 17-19

2) Misfit Psycles SUPERFLY WEEKLY:

This better than nothing SUPERFLY RACING ‘T’ honours the 2010 weekly series, hosted Tuesdays at Albion and Wednesdays at King.
Proudly blazon on the front is none other than series master-mind Sean ‘I’m not gay, no wait, are you interested?‘ Ruppel.

The only way to get one of these blasphemous busts is by chance…limited to a total run of 50 these will ONLY be available as super-prizes for these nights.

3) Misfit Psycles DARTH PSYCLES:

Quite possibly the best thing I’ve ever (almost) finished.
Availability, pricing and other shit to follow but the colour options have been set.

Please, if you have the money or if you don’t, indicate in advance if you wish to purchase one or more and how many times you plan to do so.  It won’t change what we can afford to run but this sort of pre-disposed demand goes a long way in determining what the margin multiple will be.

That is all.

Not quite.

Getting there.

There will only be ONE way to get it.

Be there.
OR.
Be Mark Lepper.

As a qualified and easily opinionated critic, one with whom I generally agree, I feel it my duty and obligation to pass on judgment concerning the events that transpired this past weekend at CRANK THE SHIELD 2008.

Prepare thy self for a complex grid of formulations, observations, hesitations, declarations and  (eventually) one coronation.

Heavy on the picturations.

As I suggested yesterday…the likelihood of success was slim…

This is that, leading to the other, resulting in those.

The Points (in order of appearance);

Race Information/Description -

Limited, as expected.
With no previous success’ to recount, many facets of the event (outside the realm of the planning essentials) would be…I don’t know, a surprise?  I am sure this slowed pre-sales and made it difficult for fence-sitters to commit.  Highlights included in the pre-registration propaganda were ‘cabin’ accommodations, shortened format (3 days, 2 nights) and the relative proximity to the center of the universe.  Toronto.
This race, out of necessity, would be marketed (for 2008) on what other races weren’t…savvy?

Price -

$750
A good value?  Read on…

Categories -

Ample. 
Including the FIRST ever stage race SINGLE SPEED category, men and women OPEN.

Communication -

Stellar.
From the time of registration to 48hrs prior the CTS blog was maintained and updated (including training tips and course conditions).  Comments/questions made on the blog were answered promptly and periodic emails to competitors prepared them (mostly) for what was to follow, including packing and equipment tips.

Promotional Suggestions -

• Stage races remain a hot commodity despite economic…shortcomings.  Competitors are looking harder and considering longer just what event(s) they might complete in for a given season.  With CTS’s close proximity to Canada’s largest airport (YYZ), reasonable price tag and shortened format, this event received a large amount of consideration outside of Ontario, outside of Canada.  More details and suggestions for OUTOFTOWN types should be offered…where to arrive, when, options to get north etc.

Registration/Red Tape –

The idea to hold an advance registration and ride day at the Durham forest (the week prior) was brilliant…forms were made available (in advance) online.  No multiple hour snooze fests like some other races.  For out-of-towners registration was available the Thursday prior to the event as well, I can only assume this went without a hitch.

Rider Kits -

Unmatched in quality, quantity and organization…if anything there was too much done and given up front…I may have held back as to offer that extra pop at the finish line.

Organization (general) -

Pure Chico.  While it would be naive to claim perfection, any imbalances or issues that may or may not have taken place were resolved with absolutely zero infractions to my experience…I noticed nothing.  Light years ahead of the tales I have heard from previous INAUGURAL stage events.  Organization (forgiving food that is) at the Rockies 2007 was very good, this was excellent.

Start-Line/Bag Drop –

Easy to find, easy to follow instructions, abundant staff/volunteers/helpers.  On-site food, water, coffee…the addition of a last minute ‘personal bag’ drop was an supreme idea.  Riders were given a plastic (numbered) bag in which they could put items they would use right up to the stage start and/or require at stage completion – all without having to wait/locate the complete bag.

Stage 1 Course -

Buckwallow…some of the best single track I have ever ridden, couldn’t imagine a better place to begin (or end or stay for that matter).  Markings were clear and left nothing to the imagination.  The course selected, fast and just technical enough.  The remaining 60km was a mixture of road, trail and bog…despite the sounds of it…it was completely above and beyond my expectations.  Directions and marking were intuitive and left me and mine mind to the suffering at hand.

Stage 1 Finish –

Personal bags, snacks and drinks were located only a few feet away…stay as long as you wish.  There was a short 4km ride to the first nights accommodations…I’m sure if I was listening to the instructions earlier in the day I wouldn’t have flinched trying to locate it…the slow, easy ride was not a problem and served as a good cool down.

Stage 1 Accommodations -

Camp Kandalore.  Rustic?  Hell ya.  Brilliant.  Rider bags were ready well in advance and staff/volunteers/helpers took on the challenge of locating the bag and delivered it to your feet.  Subway sandwiches, snacks, drinks and even – FREE BEER – awaited every rider…no limits, no questions.  Riders were directed to their cabins to unwind, clean and prepare for dinner.  Our cabin had electricity, bunk beds (with mattress) and a genuine indoor flush-o-matic.  The water was drinkable, when it was running…pressure was low…hardly an issue as bathrooms and water sources were ample and clean.

Stage 1 Dinner -

The first big test.  A small(ish) hall suggested a need for two dinner seatings…I don’t seem to recall how or what or when we ate, it didn’t matter, the flow and supply of food negated any need for panic.  The meal included gravy and there was no chastising for serving sizes.  I ate my fill and had no doubts about fuel sources for the coming 24hrs.

Awards/Course Preview –

Awards were quick and tolerable.  Other peoples victories most certainly highlight mine own defeats…keep it moving, nothing to see here.
The preview…before anyone criticizes Sean’s, incomplete…er…inaccurate…err…polished turd of a description, let it be known that this sort of thing occurred last year prior to every stage of the TransRockies…it’s par for the course…understating conditions, mileage and climbing.  The essentials were covered, the major landmarks, obstacles, fee zones and cutoffs were entirely accurate and all we needed.

Stage 1 Suggestions -

• I heard tale of mass walkings in the middle to back of the pack, apparently the 2km hammer was not quite enough to sort out and spread out all the riders…maybe a lap around Buckwallow for 2009…because that is a MUST RIDE.
• (Where possible) combining the finish line with accommodations adds to the atmosphere and feeling of accomplishment for all competitors (particularly late-comers).

Stage 2 Breakfast –

Just like dinner.  Maybe better.  Tonnes of anything my little stomach could desire.  Anyone who knows, knows, this is so very important to enjoying the hurt that’s coming.

Stage 2 Start-Line/Bag Drop –

Once again numerous staff/volunteers/helpers made the drop easy.  The short 4km ride back to the previous days finish was a good warmup, once again riders were provided the option of a start-line bag drop.

Stage 2 Course -

A quick hammer up a gravel road or two dumped quickly onto and into atv and snowmobile trails…boring?
Think not.  Short abrupt elevation changes on rolling rock, moss, loom and muck made every pedal stroke an adventure.  The day would ultimately be comprised of over 45kms (out of the total 85) of mucky doom…broken periodically by transition gravel roads or hydro cuts…riders faced the option of cross-esque mounting and dismounting or braving the bogs (that is attemtping to pedal through).  As a rider that elected for the later over the former, I have not pushed the envelope of my limited abilities like this for some time.  The final 19km took place on rail trail…crushed gravel…nothing over a 1% grade…at this point in the game it was the hardest easy ride I’d ever attempted.  Once again, the entire course was clearly marked.  Nothing short of complete idiocy would have led riders off course.

Stage 2 Finish –

Food, drinks, bags and a cold ass lake awaited finishers.  Riders could hang and eat and socialize as long as they chose, shuttle buses were plentiful and waited to pick up riders and bags.  Bikes were collected IMMEDIATELY at the finish and transported to Camp White Pine – completely removing the headache of staging, storing and transporting my bike – I was free to lick my numerous wounds and recover.  PRICELESS.  The shuttle drive was quick and painless.  Bikes were unloaded and secured long before our arrival.  The staggered rider arrival ensured that showers, bike stations and the like were not flooded by a mass arrival.

Stage 2 Accommodations -

Camp White Pine – MEATBALLS to the olde school. Recently updated cabins, huge washrooms, shower facilities, dining hall…this is the only way to race…no waiting.

Stage 2 Dinner -

A chicken pesto pizza deserving of two line up and two seated servings, steak, pastas and a french pastery chef…forget it.

Awards/Course Preview –

Once again the awards honored the victors and were sensitive to the LOSERS.  The course preview was met with some jeers (as a result of the short comings from the evening prior), but once again, absolutely and totally informative.  Remember all you need is in the course outline.

Stage 2 Suggestions -

• Fear not the bog…riders remember those events that make the day epic…brief single track interludes (say 1km for every 10 of bog) will ensure that any (potentially) negative impressions would be lost.  Minden would make for a great break, even if it increased the total mileage to 100km or so.

Stage 3 Breakfast –

Words cannot express.

Stage 3 Start-Line/Bag Drop –

With a 17km neutral ride prior to a staged start things could have gone awry…they didn’t.  Staff/volunteers/helpers seemed to be everywhere, smooth as golden.  The police escort did an admirable job of keeping the head and tail of the peloton in check.

Stage 3 Course -

The neutral ride and transition to start was surgical…there was no delay and no cool down…the neutral ride was a huge benefit as the first km set the tone for the day…climbing.  In Ontario, long sustained and technical climbing…really.  Once in the Haliburton Forest riders were treated to some of the most challenging, incredible single and double track available, anywhere.  The stage would be best described as relentless…and a complete laugh.

Stage 3 Finish –

As with other days plenty of food and drink awaited riders.  After a quick hose down bikes were scooted away for transportation back to the cars (1 hr away back at Buckwallow).  Lake bound shuttles were available to riders who wanted to swim, I elected for the warm $1 shower.  Large changerooms and necessities were onsite and allowed riders to ready for the finishing BBQ and awards.  Easy peasy.

Awards/BBQ –

Once again the food was plentiful…and very good.  The band was a nice touch.  Awards were condensed as they quickly powered through stage and overall winners…

Return Shuttle –

Following awards riders could board buses at their own pace to head back to Buckwallow to unload and head home.  One more opportunity to socialize with riders or catch a few zeds before the last leg home…
Chico racing stated that riders could expect to return to their cars by 7pm…it was 6:58 by my watch…so…FAIL!

Stage 3/Finish Suggestions -

• As mentioned in the rider kit, hold off on something from the registration swag…make that jersey the reward for completion or change to the t-shirt to reflect the accomplishment…no need to spend more, just spread it out some.

OVERALL:

A MUST DO.
This race is convenient, compact and an undeniable value.
Peter J Keiller - Owner, The MisfitPsycles Corporation and Personal SingleSpeedy Legend of Death.

For those that took a ‘wait and see’ attitude to the FIRST EDITION…Chico Racing pulled it off. I was impressed, humbled and stronger for the experience…as lucky as they were to have me in attendance…I regret not a minute or penny spent.

I predict weekend warrior and endurance race tire kicker registration to drop some 20% …followed by no less then a 50% increase in the area of solid competitors and stage race veterans…I am looking forward to a bigger field of riders and even greater challenges for 2009.

I shall return.

Adam, Sean, you hear me?
Plenty of time to ready my demands.

How do you do a stage race in Ontario?
Who would even want to?

It’s never been done, with good reason, there just isn’t that much that’s that good…

In this corner, wearing the green nipple high trunks we have CHICO RACING.  Premier organizer, developer and supporter of all things mountain biking in mountain’ly challenged Ontario (see above).  Host’s to North America’s LARGEST 24hr race (Summer Solstice), the Ontario Cup (OCUP) series, 24hrs of Hot August Nights, two regional weekly series (under Superfly Racing in Albion and King) and many other glorious things past and future…

In the other corner, wearing red trunks we have the (somewhat) geographically bland, mossy, wet and overgrown wilds of middle Ontario.  As if the topographical conundrum isn’t enough, mix in a very disjointed and incomplete series of mere-potential mountain bike trails…there is nothing but atv’s for miles…this is not Albion Hills and its 25kms of rolling thunder…this is an 800lb gorilla.

When I say hey, you say Screech. Hey.  Screech. Hey.  Screech.

It can’t be done.

I registered because sometimes, good people need to be supported no matter how futile the battle.

A complete report card shall be issued tomorrow, until then here are a few images to cover days gone by.

Of course what I got can be found here.