Firmly rooted in the necessarily optional (but not quite so popular) dimension of absurd business practices and etch-a-sketch product models it is with a sweeping carrot stick of doom that I shall respond to the adage: What is up?

1. Vermont February 8/9 – Winter Challenge – Registration closes February 1…“like tomorrow Scoob” There is totally a Frame up for grabs, I’d expect odds to be like 1 in 40, so like jinkies, that’s totally in your favor.
2. Toronto International Bike Show – Sure its a bazillion days until March but apparently last minute planning and on-site construction are not all that common outside these shallowed halls…in my defense perhaps it’s because they NEED the extra time… Either way, thanks to the continued charity of finer souls then I, booth pre-assy will be taking place in a secret garage type location Friday February 1, photos may follow.
3. Despite advances made in booth kind…TiChiBo has not boarded the brown bird…of course it’s not supposed to have either.
4. Quick association: 69 deg head angle, 71 deg seat tube, 395 chainstay, 330 seat tube…
5. Effective February 1, 2008…lowly misfit psycles shall become…Misfit Psycles Inc. I love bureaucratic balls as much as the next constituent but writing a letter from myself to myself witness by myself declaring to cease operations on February 1 so that I could begin operations on February 1 as myself but no longer myself was a tad dramatic. Yes, consideration was given to the handle THE MISFIT PSYCLES CORPORATION…

One of the many great burdens that I carry is the invisible and unverifiable crown of ‘Creative Mogul and Pontifical Genius‘…Luminary of Hip and King of Dingle.

Creativity, wit and originality under the disguise of conformity is tough work…take last night for example. Into the wee hours of tomorrow I toiled with photos and presentation…cogs and conversions. Let’s just say the shoot involved a text book on Human Biology, a Fisher Price record player, cash register and well blended salsa. It goes without saying that the gold fish, Vaseline and red Smarties shtick had soooo been done.

So what’s the problem you ask? The trouble with these gifts comes from the constraints imposed by THE MAN you see. Like a Willy I long to be Free. Timelines, deadlines, due dates, dress codes and expiry dates are all attempts to co-opt, to undermine and to control my very being. The mortgage is due? I have to show proof of income?

Another side-effect of pure artistic innovation is an admitted lack of focus.

Why is this cigaman smoking? Would that be akin to cannibalism? Is he (the cigaman in question) not actually nothing more then a butt? If so, who smoked him? Another, much larger cigaman? Would these much larger cigamen in turn be smoked by gargantuan cigamen? Is the consumption of cigamen an infinite cycle? Do cigamen increase in size (through consumption) until they become so large they are invisible or do gargantuan cigamen simply die? Do cigamen have skeletons or do they simply decompose into the white fluff balls we are accustomed to? Is there evidence of cigamen in europe prior to the 15th and 16th centuries? Is there any possibility of locating cigaman scat for evaluation?

Until tomorrow.

Word on the street is that some hobbit-like critter on the right coast has developed ONE BLOG TO RULE THEM ALL (y’all will need to wait for the much anticipated photoshoppe version). Much like the WEBKINZ, Boi Bandz and Pigs Feet phenoms, I just don’t get it…then again I understand there are entire websites dedicated to urinating on people…to each their own.

Market viability and moral responsibility aside, the opportunity for digital infamy is too great to pass up. Effective IMMEDIATELY an effort to achieve the same level of bloggerifical fantasticness shall be made…effective IMMEDIATELY…I am the real team Dicky. At least I tried it this one time at college…In this issue:

• Dicky luvs sheep – baaa.
• Longs to ride his bike into throngs of men folk. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
• Applies Secret to his hairless pits.
• Has selected C sized silicon implants.
• Fjears Me. At least noticed me.

Top Ten Reasons to Fjear Team Dicky in 2008

Reason # 6

Big numbers mean big things.

Late last Thursday night my blog hit counter rolled over the fifty thousand mark less than three months after I put it there.
Big numbers mean big things. What kinda things?

Will I have a swarm of tifosi blocking the course at every race I attend waiting for the moment that I come by to scream “Allez Team Dicky!!!! Venga, Venga!!!”?

Just picture a sea of pink shirts instead.

Will corporate America wake up and see what a big marketing opportunity they are missing and start throwing money at me to send me to more exotic locales to race at in order to make my stories more interesting and sell some deodorant?

Strong enough for a man, but I still feel kinda gay when I use it.

Will women be running up to me asking for an autograph on their breast?

Shit… I was thinking of something a little more glamorous. It did feel kinda real though.

I’m thinking none of the above. I think the big numbers mean big love. I’m pretty sure ever since my mom saw me put up a stat counter on my sidebar she devoted her life to hitting refresh as many times a day as possible. She would do anything to bolster her son’s confidence and give him a false sense of relevance. Why should that induce a sense of fjear in my opponents? Because my mom is fifty percent of my genetic make-up and one of the molders of my brain for 18+ years. If my mother, even with MS and wrist pain, can hit refresh hundreds of times a day just imagine the kinda things her offspring would be capable of. Staggering, isn’t it? I just recently discovered that my stat counter has a lot more info available, and I swear I’m gonna find out just how she’s hacking into servers all over the world to produce hits from Japan, Finland, and Ukraine.

It’s kinda depressing to think that all the hits might be her as I was really looking forward to signing some strange women’s breasts in 2008. Dare to dream, huh?

At least I’ve inspired some couch sitting fool to revitalize his blog (how long ago was that Trans Rockies thing?). Trash talk is fun, but it is way better when it’s a two sided conversation. Bring it to Napa big man. Oh yeah, it seems like the pouched mammal wants to come out and play. Maybe he’ll stop bringing a slingshot to the gun fight and show some verbal versatility next time. The best one yet has to be this touch of fjear from my 2008 PMBAR partner Elk (yes, I’m biased). Step back from your monitor when you click over to read his words lest ye burn your eyes out from the heat comin’ off.

Punks. Who else wants some???

“It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a pimp jacket and a button fell off. I picked up my ho stick and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.” Vanilla Snow (New Orleans)

Todays wise words are courtesy of NINJA PIMP – Pimp Quotes.

Speaking of gold chains, groupies and floral underpants…there is something new, something olde, nothing borrowed but something blue in transit to the island.

New – Well you already know about TiChiBo…so nothing new per say…but its still pretty exciting for you…think of all the enjoyment you will get when I’m riding it. If you must know there is a new and improved image library available on FLICKR – actually there is THE REALLY BIG LIBRARY. This big library contains plenty of crap but it also contains hundreds of pictures of the new build offerings for 2008, all conveniently sorted into sets for your simple viewing pleasure. There is also THE REALLY BIG GROUP where even YOU can become a member…hell you SHOULD become a member and submit your pictures and make me more monies…group images appear on the blog…right there>>>

Olde – Once again the FU Bar is out of stock…200 are enroute. Due February 15…diSSent framesets are virtually GONE in 17 and 19 (medium and large). Due MAY 15 so get off the fence if you are deciding…ain’t popularity grande?

Borrowed – Piss off. Get your own.

Blue – (Powder) Blue, White, Pink and Red coloured chains…not your garden variety cheezies either. These will be proper KMC Z610HX 3/32″ chains with a ‘NANO’ coating. What does all that mean? Well nothing in terms of anything compared to the price of tomato’s in Luxembourg, suffice it to say they will be expensive, Double the standard KMC Z610HX price in fact. RELAX, it also means they will be as good as the aforementioned chain which is very much unlike other coloured chains…savy? Due February 15th.

In parting…from the because we can but probably shouldn’t noggin scratcher file…

“Complacency is a state of mind that exists only in retrospective: it has to be shattered before being ascertained”.

Vladimir Nabokov

Not complacency so much, ultimately what was shattered last night was a direct result of riding sans chamois/sans baggies. Sub zero temperatures for 3 hours in fresh snow and darkness has a way of ascertaining things you wouldn’t expect. With nothing but a thin layer of mandex to protect me and all that I hold dear, numbness was welcome relief.

Anyway you slice it, effective some other day soon I will take pre-ride preparation somewhat more seriously. You should too.