A Singlespeed New Year

2008 was a fine year for the Empire.  We could thank you and them but that would make us look weak.
May 2009 bring you much trouble and may you trouble others muchly.

Some people bear three kinds of trouble – the ones they’ve had, the ones they have, and the ones they expect to have. 

H.G. Wells

Coming Psycle Developments

More store for your buying pleasure.

• PSYCLESTORE – Remixed and Reduxed.  
  The one-stop source for all thing Misfit Psycles and other singlespeediness since April 15, 2005.  That is correct, after some 2,257,002 requests the site to rule them all is being mothballed. OSCommerce served us well but Magento promises to be more searchable and distortable.
  TARGET: January 15, 2009 
   
• DEALERS SITE – www.misfitdealers.com
  Stop calling me.  In a further attempt to keep this as impersonal as possible, dealers will get a login (24/7), pick the crap they want to clutter the shelves with and checkthefawkout.  Repeat as necessary. 
  TARGET:  January 30, 2009 

More frame for your riding pleasure.

• NUMMERS – Production complete.  Inspection passed.  Paint in process.
  Not quite the December 26th shipping date we had hoped for but the Urban/DJ frame of Psyclic Doom will be water logged on the January 7th steamer.  
  TARGET:  January 30, 2009  Unless it is claimed by pirates.
   
• PSYCLECROSS – Chinese Democracy arrived, this too will come.
  Previously known as Project Snap-Tite.  
  While promised more times then Matt Spak DNF’d…it is coming…this time with a tighter ‘there is really no need to please all of you whiny bitches’ approach to the design.  
  Effective Immediately:  Let this serve as official notice to you and them, starting today Mark Summers is the Overseer and Wee Tom is in the drivers seat for this project. Albeit on a telephone book.  With a note from his mom.  The fact is, I have gone as far as I can without a push.
  TARGET:  April 2009 – Prototype.  September 2009 – Delivery. 

Team DICKPSYCLES World Tour.

• DIRT SWEAT AND GEARS – The imfamous Misfit Psycles Dance Party.
  Misfit Psycles travels to the almost deep south to spread joy and noise.  Be there for a commemorative wife beater t and to take a whack at one of the DICKY PINATAS! 
   
• INTERMONTANE CHALLENGE – It’s new and there’s beer.
  Misfit Psycles goes west.
   
• SSWC 2009 – Durango, not just a fruity cooler that makes you barf flames.
  Hopefully the 2009 edition will be embroiled in a registration scandal or perhaps some other nuance that will distract the distracted from noticing that the corporation already has a spoke card entry type thing.  Hey look men in drag, how riskay!

Misfit Psycles Corporate Decree for Thee

life on the straight and narrow path
drives you off your nut
by day you are psycopath
by night you’re a psycle slut

John Cooper Clarke

Misfit Psycles and the New Singlespeed  Front

The Corporation would like to thank all of you that sent emails and all the kind words concerning the dramatic events that unfurled yesterday.
We respect that many of you were confused.  The corporation can’t really help you there, we blame the public school system, you should blame your parents.

Suffice to say we saw the same questions come up.  
Today we will answer in hyperbole.  

• Was the Corporation Hurt by these events?  
• Was it part of the Corporations Master Plan? 
• What does the future hold for the Corporation?
• What was MOOTS thinking?

We walk the streets at night
We go where eagles dare

MISFIT PSYCLES:  Developing, Innovating, Posing and Expounding Against the Odd(ball)S.

They pick up every movement
They pick up every loser
With jaded eyes and features
You think they really care

I ain’t no goddamn son of a bitch
You better think about it baby

MISFIT PSYCLES:  Fierce Missionaries to the Lesser Fortunates .

An omelet of disease awaits your noontime meal
Her mouth of germicide seducing all your glands

MISFIT PSYCLES:  Runaway Freight Train of Cyclistic Fashionism.

Let’s test your threshold of pain
Let’s see how long you last
That’s happened in your rape
On bosoms of your past
With jaded eyes and features

MISFIT PSYCLES: Dangerous, Desirable and Desperate.

You think they really care
Let’s go where eagles dare
We’ll go where eagles dare

You better think about it baby, hey

More on the Southern Front in the days to come.

Also on tap.
Misfit Psycles will confirm that it is rumored to be launching a WISCONSIN front.  
This in a brilliant attempt to capture a monopiliptic stranglehold on the worlds cycling oil reserves. 
Furthermore and insomuch thusly yet another step in the progression towards unfathomable industry domination of semi-celebrity cycling personas (and the teams they claim to represent).

Where Eagles Dare.

Remember, learn from the tale of Dickpsycles and the rise of the Psycle Empire: It IS possible to be anyone to anything if you say it well enough.

Editors Note:  Eventually guilt will choke out your voice.  Confess thy sins ONLINE and let the healing begin.
Like THIS FELLOW 
Revision:  It appears that the confession is ONLY visible on the main page…so, here is a snippet.

583950850
i really wanted a misfit dissent.
peter was an awesome person, intelligent, witty, sexy, the whole package…but i was blinded by shiny metals, corporate headquarters and longed for the attention and admiration of my peers for the that fame would follow.
i feel empty inside…it hurts when i pee
t.d. 

Good Day.

Welcome to the ass-end of December, sadly, it smells just like September.  
The moist surprising thing of all, obviously, is that ANYONE is surprised at all.

What am I talking about?

A better question.
What are you talking about?
How could you not know what I’m talking about?
Everyone is talking about it. 

It just happens to be the biggest news in socio-singlespeedy-celebrity TODAY.  

• Editors Note: Even bigger then THIS 
  You read this and that correctly, $285usd for a diSSent frame.  The THERE’S SOMETHING ON YOUR CHIN TEAM DICKPSYCLES sale drips to an end FRIDAY January 2nd.
   
• Editors Note Redux: Even bigger then THIS
  And Misfit Psycles ho’ing to The Misfits is pretty exaggeratedly big, in a Walmart isn’t so bad kind of way. 

Today:

TEAM DICKY SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT

At long last the image wranglers for TEAM DICKY (aka: Richard ‘Mr Marginal‘ Dillen) finally granted him enough rope to make OFFICIAL his plans for 2009.

Here’s the rub:  These plans do NOT include The Misfit Psycles Corporation of Manly Man-ness.

With this officially official announcement and the officiality that it implies, the Corporation looks not like a master plotter but a gentlemanly victim.  
Victimory.

Clearly Misfit Psycles was yet another stepping stone, strategically dropped and stomped into the sliptastic Carolinian Clay (Aiken) by TEAM DICKY.
Merely collateral damage in his tirelessly shallow quest to pave the path of TEAM DICKY, ‘immortality or bust’!

Is this the end?  
Not of the CORPORATION.  This ‘set-back’ was engineered from the onset.  More on this tale of deception and intrigue later.
Not of the Dick badgering.  There is a smug sanctity provided every time the Corporation spills his milk. 
NO.  This is not the end.

Project: DICKPSYCLES was a front.
Project: DICKPSYCLES was a blistering success.
The cloak that was Project: DICKPSYCLES has fallen free to reveal the Corporation’s Master Mission: SONG OF THE SOUTHPSYCLES. 

In what Cyclotarians will most certainly recognize as the GREATEST singularly significant bait to switch EVER concocted by the CORPORATION…Misfit Psycles Incorporated is closer now to something then they were before they got there.
This much is fact.

The writing was on the wall long ago…and for those recording things for posterity;

Dicky;

The Corporation would like to thank you for your service.  
We wish you a deep well and will always look fondly at the pleasuring you provided our Company.  
No hard feelings.
Not that you don’t have a good ‘personality’, we just don’t think of you like that.
Sorry.

Peter Keiller
Banal Genius 

Most importantasticly, thank you for introducing the Corporation to your more handsome and powerful friends.
We hope things aren’t going to be awkward for you.

STAY TUNED FOR MORE CRAP AND THE NEW TEAM DICKOOTS LOGO.

• Editors Note: Beastial fun with lizards deserves a much better monicker then that…taking suggestions and ORDERS now.

What has happened?
No one is blogging, no one is reading…and shite’s still happening.

WELCOME TO THE FIRST ANNUAL
BOXING DAY: LET’S BELITTLE THE NEWS DAY

In some other news:

Three crazed Christmas protestors stuffed themselves up a chimmney in Bethlehem without a care.
The message, KISS MY ASSOCLAUS. 

These pro (seemingly, amateur) testors had their plans foiled when they were stuck for several hours.  Once rescuesd the three stooges claim to have been beaten about the buttocks while bystanders bystood and bylaughed. 
Meanwhile, as the magical entrance was clogged with flesh, Santa was unable to deliver.  
Nor did he really want to, pressed for comment Santa said “Year after year, Bethlehemians come off as so high and mighty.  This year, when they wake up WITHOUT their Farmers Almanacs and tiny oranges, well, they’ll be sorry“.

A wee bit away, Wise Men for the 21st century mounted camouflaged hummers and roamed the desert with gifts…

 …unfortunately their cover was compromised when the desert was lit up by a wayward star.
Top secret space jets were scrambled and the flaming nuisance was blown from the sky.

But look…HE’s almost here…

..then what?  

Oh come on, Kamino – look it up.

In some Psyclo news:

If the corporation gets around to it there will be a very large ONE DAY type sale coming…like publishers clearing house…without the McPimpin. 

Remember, Support the Court or we WILL sell out to the dark side.

If every one of you bought a little something today, I could afford the treatment that my bank account desperately needs…please…think of the bill collectors.
Help where you can.