In the past and as per the norm my stage bikes tend to be stout.
All of my (personal) bikes are that way.

Despite starting as singlespeed frames of the highest breeding.
It’s the inevitable suspension, straight gauge spokes, thumper rims, freewheel drive, gigantor tubes and rolls of electrical tape that USUALLY pushes the final tally somewhere in the realm of 28lbs.

Laugh out loud heavy for even most WalMart shoppers.

My partner for TransRockies 2007 (Michael) laughed…but it was I that laughed and laughed again whilst I changed flat after flat for him.  I laughed again in the evenings as I unfolded his waif rim and got to laugh some more when I needed to trued his wheels over and over.
Ha, ha, ha.
No maintenance for me.
Sucker.

To clarify.
I am prone to smashing (this is crashing done better), deathly allergic to ALL forms maintenance (including chain lube) and find those event based mechanics more frightening then Crispin Glover.
Avoidance is my policy and mass indestructibility  is how I deal.

The Breck Epic would be no different.
A veritable downhill rocket.

That’s 12.8kg for the civilized.

That other past weekend I was actually physically befuddled and berated by my indestracycle.

28lbs of indurability is slagging heavy when unpedalling.

As I’ve previously concluded, I’m going to be pushing oodles in Colorado.

• Pushing rarely results in a crash.
  • Crashing causes (psycle) trauma.
  • Trauma necessitates repairs.
  • Repairs that WON’T be made.
  • FAIL or BURLY BUILD.
• No crashing, no trauma, no repairs.
  • Lighter duty psycle.
  • Easier to drag up hill.
  • LESSER FAIL.

Inspired by the great and obsessed tinkerer, I elected to malign mine own personal Breck rig.

Out with the olde:

• Profile Cranks
• White Industries Wheels/Straight Gauge Spokes/Freewheel
• White Brothers Fluid 110
• WTB Stout Rubber

In with the new (but used):

• White Industries ENO Cranks
• Easton XC ONE Wheels/Misfit COD Cog
• White Brothers Rock Solid
• WTB Prowler Rubber

Viable reductions passed over in the name of comfort:

• Misfit Psycles FU Bar/Complete ESI end-to-end Grip
• Misfit Psycles FUgly Stem
• Misfit Psycles FUbu Seatpost
• WTB Rocket V SLT
• Magura Louise BAT

The savings were substantial.

10.3kg…a whopping 2.5kgs on the floor.

This conversion wasn’t all sunshine an lollipops.
As those that know have come to expect, copious amounts of wrenching (by the me) inevitably results in numerous failures, work-arounds and re-dos.

Here are a few:

• Stan’s conversion DOES NOT work on Easton XC ONE rims to WTB Prowler rubber.  The white paste of flaccid death will only serve to stain hardwood floors and carpets as it sputters and spits about the maison when the bead fails to seat.
  FYI, running about flailing the wheel in question only serves to disperse the fluid more rapidly.
• Louise pad replacement.  The concept of using an allen pin to retain the pads may sound like a good idea…the use of lock-tite on the threads of same and the teenie tiny allen key required to remove…well that’s irresponsible.
  FYI, when you run out of pads entirely you CAN use the 2009 Julie pads on Louise…what you are left with is a pile of NEW brakes devoid of pads…basically they were 75$ pads.
• The BB shell on the diSSent (Fe) is 68mm.  The BB shell on the diSSent (Al) is 73mm.  These are different sizes.  They are not, despite my best attempts to ignore this fact, the same.  Thusly, the BB from ONE is NOT interchangeable with the BB from the other.  Fortunately I located an overstock Shimano UN53 in the necessary 68×113.  The (Fe) barfed a little but the installation was otherwise painless.
  FYI, should you decide to swap out cranks and BB’s it is entirely advisable that you consider variances in size prior to going to all the effort to remove and install then stare blankly at the off-kilterness that results.

For the most part that is all.

Yes.
I have that much Misfit Pshite in my garage.
Deal.

If there is a doctor in the house I have been enduring the following symptoms for over a week now:

• Fatigue, drastic debilitating amounts.
• Joint pain.  All of them mostly…dry and crunchy.
• Tight and sore muscles.  Particularly calves, swollen and uncomfortably tight.
• Headache…ceaseless.

Before you criticize my overtraining regiment THAT culminated two weeks ago.  It was resolved following the Marathon.
Rest began on the 15th…or 17th…after the 24 (rather 12) Solo on the 21st at least…

This is trouble.
I might be dying.

Of all the June Celebrideaths (we lost a sidekick, a pedophile and a wet dream) NONE is more troubling (to The Empire) then the demise of fellow pitchman, BILLY MAYS.

Sensing that the mainstream media, those same peoples who hung MJ by both sets of his genitals for ‘being’ MJ (and all of the terrible creepy things that THAT comprises) have now forgotten’r'forgiven past transgressions in lieu of ratings, is entirely too post-occupied debating the circumstances of freakies death to deal with this more pressing matter.

Misfit Psycles shall attempt to enlighten.
On both counts.

Count ONE.
One wonderful count;

MJ died of cooties.
Deprived of small children and monkeys the disease turned on it’s host.
End of Story.

Count TWO.
So troubling was the news of Billy Mays that rather than wax poetic about todays shipments of diSSent (Fe)‘s -or- discuss some MAJOR build changes to the BRECK BIKE -or- reveal plans to INVADE the land of Moots July 1st (how apropos, CANADA FUCKINGDAY) we, the me, opted to spend some quality time piecing together the puzzling expiration of one of our mentors.

Another being Rizzo the Rat.

Billy Mays MURDERED by Vince ‘SlapEmSilly’ Offer

Here goes.

In December 2008 Billy publicly stated this about Vince’s recent attention;

“Please. He’s a one-hit wonder. He took a shot at the title but can’t compete.”

Then in February 2009 Billy CHALLENGED the upstart to a ‘pitch-off’.

SHAW-WOW versus ZORBEEZ.
VINCE versus BILLY.

Incidentally, the former challenge was taken up by the squared pegs at POPULAR SCIENCE on March 24th and ZORBEEZ was trounced.  It was OBVIOUSLY NOT made by the Germans.

Results are of little consequence and (clearly) of no consolation to Vince.

Quality has nothing to do with pitching.

Obviously and understandably still disquieted by the impending ‘pitch off’ (not to mention a lack of mainstream DISCOVERY), Vince went on a tear earlier this year.

Three days following the Pop Sci results, he ATTEMPTED to beat down an up standing Miami prostitute, who (allegedly mistakenly) remarked “Kaboom“ at some point during the transaction.
Vince was viciously beat about the face with an orange 12″er before she released him.

Note: 9 out of 10 John’s (most of whom were not named John) polled agreed, this expletive is ordinarily taken as a compliment.  Only Dicky remarked that this expression was utilized  to describe his performance in a negative light, unfortunate for him as he was required to prepay and did so in his Moots chamWOW’s.

A month or so later Vince attempted to DESTROY THE FIELD in Fayetteville TN at Dirt Sweat and Gears…results were less than inspiring when he opted to get drunk instead.

Even a hip-hop remix of the Slap Chop could NOT stem the tide.

Once you’ve gotten here, getting from this here point (hereby known as A) to that there point (thereby known as MURDER) is really quite simple.

Actual details of such are probably better left to more active imaginations, suffice to say, Vincent – your crown is sullied.

Another batch of diSSent (Fe)‘s have been aquired from the INFAMOUS hallows of the Hugh Black conglomerate.

Pictures.  Confirmations. Discussions.
All follow the preparation of overdue shipping of same.

LARGE PRODUCTION 4lb 8oz
MEDIUM PRODUCTION 4lb 7oz

Included sliders, powder, drool.

The dude beside me on the airport shuttle isn’t a Canadian pop diva but he IS repeatedly stroking the hand rail looking at me…

As the Empire continues it’s march towards global dominance travel becomes less inevitable and more unavoidable.

Just like it ever was, but more justified.

Travel to exotic and exciting locales such as Fayetville TN, Kansas City MO or (where I say I am now) the Appalachian Trail always lead to some brilliant (and too occasionally) startling reminders of just how similarly different we the nations are.

Such travel requires a supersaturated ability to adapt and conform.
Such travel requires flexibility and patience when dealing with local native types and their customs.

Once I am able to put aside the massive monster portions of everything I shouldn’t eat I must accept the FACT that my caffeine addiction WILL suffer.

Mock Tim Horton’s if you must, but I would kill a baby today (doesn’t matter much to me) for a cup of coffee NOT brewed 8 hours ago OR 3′ from the shitter.

One serving.  ONE.
Next up, more caffeine.

I do not like creme in my coffee Sam I am…I particularly do not like zinc dust in my coffee.

SILICONE DICKYHIDE?

The do-it-myselfer oft travels to the local trading post to procure some of the comforts of home and most sensible food type sources.

I am not certain that there is an American alive that knows what 1.75LTR’s are.
I am not certain that LTR is a valid unit of measure.
I am certain that THAT is a big Jack.
That is a good price for a Jack that big.

Do as the box says…get a handle…walk on by…