SAD NEWS FROM KAMLOOPS:

Intermontane Challenge.

About one year ago I started flogging this event…fortunately there was some discombobulation amongst the ranks over timing of the Teampsycles entry, a Boxing Day SALE and then nawt.

MTBR has a thread or more discussing it in relatively real-time and links to others.

“SABOTAGE,  DISORGANIZATION and INJURY”…mostly just another day on the Court of Dingle, but for mortals, this must suck some serious arse.

Vegan (I believe) stuck it out for the fifth and final stage, with luck she’ll garner FREE ENTRY to the 2010 edition!

VICIOUS ATTACK MAKES BEAUTIFUL MUSIC:

Yesterdays musical interlude has precipitated an unprecedented number of inquires.  Mainstream media, advertorial agencies and pop performers have all be clamoring for a piece of our accidental brilliance.

Essentially and at this time the Misfit Psycles Corporation has been advised by legal council to adjust our official intentions concerning ‘the song’.

• For the purposes of hoopla we would like to make you abundantly aware that we (the Empire or any of its authorized guardians) have NOT selected nor committed to a cause, charity or pharmaceutical to which the proceeds, royalties or revenue from this project will be applied.
• Nor have we authorized an artist (or artist’s) to perform the “Bitter Ballad of Bewildered Goartle“.

It IS within our perogative that the Empire publicly acknowledge rumours that insinuate we ARE in negotiations WITH a MAJOR production company for the movie and stage rights.

Into the pile,
Under the carpet
Off the back
Just another disgruntled Psyclomaniac.

HOT AUGUST NIGHTS BY CANNON:

Life.
Made better through the tactical deployment of ordnance.

No matter the topic.
No matter the problem.
No matter the matter.

Nothing is so grand, so dubious, so rok’ard that it can’t be improved upon by Cannon.

In less than 24hrs, plans have been put in irreversible motion to procure this years GIVE-AWAY.

Suffice to say, T-shirts lost.

What won will NOT be published so easily.

The bigger dilemma now, will be distribution.  Currently in the lead is a Cannon.

I like the idea of Cannons.
I have been researching home-made Cannons.
I have been practicing with Cannons.

Basically, if we tie the giveaway to kittens and FIRE them, we should – in theory, be able to strike unknowing participants about the face well into the course and away from the party.  Where their cries and screams would only serve to stifle the festivities.

Greater, more dubious research was conducted.  I located a Cannon that initially appeared limp, but with some modifications, would do the trick.

That is, I THOUGHT I found an adequate solution in a Cannon UNTIL I reached the 6:50 mark of the video…

Two days gone by, no updates.

I could do this all week.

Honesty and integrity are the main motivators.

If you have nothing nice to say, say it.
If you have nothing new to say, shut up.

I would and could, dredge up some one thing and pratter mindlessly about it all day, every day, all week…but that’s so BEEN OVERDONE.

What’s to update?

Dear Blog;

This weekend there was a race.
The (INSERT NAME) race.
During the race it rained.  It rained a lot.
My nutrition stank, the conditions deteriorated, the race continued.
Second place.
Brakes are BROKE, Bottom Bracket B’B'BUSTED, Hub’s are TOASTED.

With the (INSERT NAME) race coming up THIS weekend, time to prepare…

Copy, Edit, Paste.

This is called Blase Journalism.
Not to be confused with Blahzay.

The Empire won’t have either.

No disrespect intended towards the 8hr Series (or for that matter any of the other events littering the calender past and present).
It’s a great series, they’ve all been great events and I wouldn’t miss any of them even if there was ANOTHER one this weekend.

Competition is a sickness.
Why not just go to represent?  Afterall that’s the point isn’t it?  Brand exposure, development, white washing?

That’s loser talk.
And losers talk it.

It just so happens that the combined schedule of INTERNATIONAL travels has resulted in TWO straight months of RACING.
In metric, that is a FULL 60 days of exertion, recovery, taper AND repeat.

NO just-plain-riding.  Riding, riding.

As it stands I am SICK of racing.  SICK of the rain.  SICK of racing in the rain.
My body is TIRED, I am TIRED, my joints are TIRED.
And the poor bike is most FUCKED of all.

My work bench resembles a Igor Kenk explosion.
Without the book deal.

Mostly everything about anything is currently SICK and TIRED and FUCKED.

• REPLACE EXISTING SURFACE AND EXTEND DECK – volunteers wanted.
• REPLACE AND/OR SHUFFLE THREE TOILETS – efficiency rebates.
• DEMOUSE THE HOUSE – frustration manifestation.

Plans for the Hot August Nights and the Dualing Corporate Teams of Death continue…the late night/mid morning give aways have yet to be determined.

• TYPICAL T’s
• SWIFTWICK SOCKINGS
• JUNK PUNCH
• MATCHING SWEAT/WRIST BANDS
• BEER COUPON
• NOTHING

Another idea that might be more better, cheaper or otherwise totally possible for the most swingingest 48 hour party, evr?
Tick Tock.
Three weeks and counting.

In an half-force-handed attempt to scoop the big poop scooper (thereby asserting our continued dominance in the realm of things domineering – not to be confused with mountaineering or engineering or whineering) the Empire would like to be the first to post the picture of the latest diSSent (Fe) MYSTERY MACHINE.

Last week loyal readers and TEAM followers were all tantalized, titillated and ultimately, disappointed, by the proceedings and lack of definitive revelations.

Mostly the disappointment stemmed from the Friday listing of who’s not.
Most cyclists are, after all, only human and in this great big world FULL of veritable who’s who’s and who’s that’s, nobody anticipated the obvious.

Since this report was initiated (and our crack psycle squad began decoding the manipulated image) the Ottawa Ogre has posted yet another snippet.
And promises more.

So without further adieu (looking at this thing that’s clearly Ottawa speak for “balls“) please welcome the Original Big Deal photo:

Aside from the very obviously grafted heels the image seems to be a very atypical Barlow PAINT botch.
Humorous, if only in an AT YOU not WITH YOU kind of way.

Except.

That’s not just ANY woman.

She’s a recurring theme over there, at OBR…

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Sorry.
Slow news day.

Speculation and alienation continue to be topics of impotence at and around the Misfit water cooler.

Which incidentally is a tap.
A damn fine tap.
The swiveling (and removable) kind made of genuine silver coloured plastic, complete with a button that offers its user the choice of a standard stream or shower-type spattering.

Aside from the people that know, no one else knows who the new TEAM rider will be.

Requests for clues have been rebuffed.
Because I can’t think of anything to clue you into.

Here is some more of the same.
Things that you already know.

• It is not Lance Armstrong.
  He has a new team.  A team that better suits his frail-ing demographic.  Radio Shack: Home to the worlds solitary remaining source of old man electronic tinker parts, CB and Ham radios, answering machines and genuine Buzz Aldrin Shortwaves.
  Word on the street indicates that representing a merchant (who’s stores resemble the slippery bi-product of an ’84 Commodore-Colecovison orgy) isn’t enough, Lance et al are currently locked in talks with another MAGNATE.
• It is not Team Dicky.
  He had his chance. Furthermore, after our great big adventure in Colorado, let’s just say he’s far too manic and controlling and obsessive and whatever for the likes of me.
  There are only so many ways you can say ‘relax’ before you yourself are sucked into his whirling vortex of paranoia plan-ungitus.
• It is not Keith Bontrager.
  Since our multiple bonding episodes out west the Empire has been the mistaken recipient of no less than FOUR official notices requesting that we;
  STOP using Keith’s likeness, STOP feigning a close personal friendship, STOP calling his home and STOP, just STOP.
  What they MEANT to say, perhaps next season…
• It is not Harlan Price.
  He ALSO has a team.  That said, the Misfit Psycles Empire WAS able to negotiate a contract extension at the finale of the Breck Epic.
  Once again in 2010, Misfit Psycles WILL be the solitary COASTER sponsor for his eliteness EACH and EVERY time he forgets a spacer for his lefthingy.
  Please Note:  For the most part we will continue to arbitrarily dislike PRO cyclists on several unbasis bases.  BUT we can concede that we like Harlan.  You should to.  Unlike the another person(s), we experience absolutely NO unexplainably violent urges when he talked.  His voice was soothing, relaxed and honest…that is probably how the smarmy bugger ilked me out of 20$ for his CHARITY DRAW.  The fact that he carries his wee dog everywhere he goes (a’la Cycling’s non-sexual Paris Hilton) is an added testament to his good nature (Thad take note).
• It is not Thad Huffington.
  Close.  Whilst we could convert the olde boy to 29″ wheels and we could encourage him with enough niceties that he might (with luck) beat (at least MATCH) his wife at a race one day, we would (likely) be unable to control his black hand of death.
  Lawyers for the Empire felt that endorsing Thad could serve as an implied endorsement of his perpetual pet polishing past…kind of like how one could say buying MJ paraphernalia promotes freakology…with three legged animals in place of all the gross kid stuff.
• It is not Ling.
  Agents acting on behalf of the Empire DID attempt to contact Ling.  Sadly, we received an automated taunt inlieu of a response.
  “So, don’t be sad and disappointed about your failings, simply press the button and TRY AGAIN…”
  Dejected and neglected we elected to request our FREE LUNCH.  Once again berated with Ling’s organically ironic monotypical mix of Chinglish.
  “If you are lucky, you get dried plum pud!  DANGER! causes big shit!”
  Go now.  Play HANG MAN, look at her Missle Truck and even learn to make your site as goodly as hers, but before you leave that site WATCH THE VISITORS…ANYONE that can write that same script for Misfit Psycles may be eligable for FREE MONEY.
• It is not Tomi.
  Formerly and formally, the enigma wrapped in a mystery slathered in intrigue that smells just like a vegan hotdog, “Tomi-if that is your real name-McMillar”.
  No such luck.  His team is a team of one comprised of none.  Each all by them selves with the solitary goal of not being a team or remotely professional.  And doing a damn fine job of it.  Of course this full-time dedication to un-teaming greatness is really what makes him such a nuisance to real-life wanna-racers.

To the point.

It’s not Lance, Dick, Keith, Harlan, Thad, Ling or Tomi.

For those attending the SUMMER 8 you might be in for a treat.

Or not.

Yesterday you were posthumously and partially introduced to a few new members of the Misfit Psycles Demo Fleet.

Some observant readers noted:

A) “One of the frames is Pink”
As I had CLEARLY stated this fact, these readers were killed for being redundant.

B) “There are ONLY 2 demo frames shown and NOT 3 (Medium, Large, XLarge)”
That is correct.  Upon hearing of the demo ‘completion’ one eager-reader came to the Court of Dingle whilst I was still applying decals.
So eager, I might add, that they picked up the frame ALONE to build up using THEIR own parts – oh and by ALONE I don’t mean ALONE, they were accompanied by an adult, for safety.

C) “What’s AVAILABILITY like?”  ”Do you have plenty of INVENTORY?”
If the diSSent (Fe) is the BEST (diSSent (Al)) made BETTER, the inventory ALSO inversly proportionate to the AWESOMENESS induced.  Basically it’s the BAD of the (Al) getting WORSE.
Sorry.
At this time there is ONE of each size I am prepared to part with.  ALL ARE BLACK.
If you are interested, then PURCHASE.  Next batch could very well be 4 (PLUS) weeks out.

D) “Can I order a colour OTHER then black?”  ”Can I get a SMALL?”
As the next batch is currently in the PROCUREMENT phase NOW would be the time to place your orders for frames OUTSIDE the realm of STOCK/BLACK lustiness.
Email me directly if you want a little something OFF.  No promises but maybe.
CONTACT ME.

The DEMO fleet will be built up in the coming 72.
Expect nothing exotic.  WE CANNOT HANDLE RESERVATIONS AT THIS TIME…call/email specifics and we will do the best we can.  If it takes little effort.

The builds will be MODEST at best and MOSTLY comprised of NICE type components with ROCK SOLID carbon forks.

A) Yes we have no budget.

B) This is about the FRAME not the wheels or brakes or other bullshit.

C) DEMO bikes get thrashed.  25% of the time by GENUINE buyers and 90% of the time by LUGGENS that forgot their front wheel on the porch.

Images of the (Fe) in captivity have been requested.

Special thanks to NUMMERS designer Noah Summers for being the FIRST to post up a demo build.

Photo Credit: Noah Summers.  Claimed weight 20.5lbs.

There are really are other photos available on FLICKR for those that need to know.

Speaking of need to know.
TEAM Misfit Psycles has inked a contract with a new RIDER for 2010.

BEFORE you all rush to email us, this was NOT an average acquisition.
Please review our thoughts concerning SPONSORSHIP.

This rider did NOT contact us nor did they apply through the normal channels.

Our talent scouts have been following this International Superstar for some time…with the ADVENT of the (Fe) we were able to seal the deal.

This could be huge.

Or a complete waste of money.

One thing for sure, even if it shits the bed, will be better then what we ALMOST got stuck with…
Sadly though, even if it spawns a cure for bankrupcy, it won’t quite potentially be as good as the real target that got away…