Some time ago but not entirely that long enough, on a healing ride of sorts, I became somemore enamoured by my Awesome Strap.

Not outwardly of course.

Gushing forth about a particular product comes across as contrived, scripted;
‘these are paid actors discussing really possible scenarios‘.

For on this ride, far far from home, my Awesome Strap, this Awesome strap of mine, held fast in it’s velcric clutches, the evenings eventual savior.

To some, a mere inner tube.
To my friend Craig, a polymer pardon.

Sure there were other offers of other tubes.
Big ones, little ones, burly ones and light ones.  None, none of the other tubes, be they big, little, burly or light, could be removed and offered as quickly as the Awesome Tube*.

* Any item contained within or by the Awesome Strap may utilize the adjective Awesome to describe itself throughout the duration of the association.  Stamped it.

Of course the strap held not only a solitary tube, a merely good strap could tether that, wrapped within the Awesome was also my trusty (and Awesome) Crank Brothers Pump (the ORIGINAL circa TR07 pump and not the most recent Breck09 pump).

With the tube/pump combo offered up, the strap lay ineffectual, spent on the ground.

Sadly the CBP was not to be re-inserted in it’s Awesome bed.
The CBP had become seized.  The how’s and the why’s of my neglect are unimportant.

With the lacerated tube, the failed CBP was handed to Bob with the explanation; “Tom wants this“.
As the refuse passed full circle (broken telephone like) the rest of us prepared to ride.

Tom, dutifully and without inquisition, placed the expired items in his pocket.
Tom is great.

Leaving me with one solitary item.
Like that, the Awesome Strap had unceremoniously been reduced to ‘just another piece of crap in my pocket strap‘.

“The purpose of life is a life of purpose”
Robert Byrne

That is when my genuine Awesome sized brain grabbed the situation by the strap.

Those hard to reach, ne’er be cleaned places.
Awesome can clean them.

Purpose restored.
Awesome is Awesome once more.

Little then was my surprise when I perused Thadington’s blog and stumbled across yet another something.
Something done Awesomely.

Those hard to teach, ne’er be controlled beasts.
Awesome can control them.

Purpose expounded.
Awesome is something and so much more.

The ultimate Awesome with a million, plus one uses.

Imagine my horror, a few days later (once again, encore une fois) reading Thadicus and…
Kerpow!
Thad declares that his Awesome application, was NOT actually a contrivance of his own design.

This was not Awesome-Thad-thinking at all.
It was DRAGONSLAYER.

A commercial product.

Like Christmas from a box.

HE’S A WHORE.
and how do we know he’s a whore?
A WHORE!
and what kind of whore might he be?
RETAIL WHORE.
and what does a retail whore look like?
A WHORE.
therefore?
HE’S A WHORE!

And that is how things today shall end…
I’ll be fucked if I can think of anything better.

This entry was posted on Friday, October 30th, 2009 at 14:13 and is filed under Equipment, General Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.