Main Entry: GIFT

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: Something given freely, for no recompense.

Definition (expanded):  A monetarily tangible submission, a provision offered upwards to those few whom the (offerer) is immensely grateful (to).  This exultation is often rained down amidst a fiery maelstrom of bewilderment, awe and appreciation.  Often the result of some entirely incredible, absolutely awesome and butt numbingly brilliant service(s) rendered.

Synonyms:  allowance, alms, award, benefaction, benefit, bequest, bestowal, bonus, boon, bounty, charity, contribution, courtesy, dispensation, donation, endowment, fairing, favor, giveaway, goodie, grant, gratuity, hand, hand-me-down, handout, honorarium, lagniappe, largesse, legacy, libation, oblation, offering, offertory, philanthropy, pittance, premium, present, presentation, provision, ration, relief, remembrance, remittance, reward, souvenir, subscription, subsidy, tip, token, tribute, write-off

Antonyms:  forfeit, loss, penalty

Rather common place and par for the proverbial Court of course.
Recent accoutrements are many.

Today’s postal visit was nothing unsimilar to the usual.
More parcels, more gifts, more, more, more.

You.  Are.  Welcome.  Do not stop.
Strictly speaking, the Empire pays poorly.

Suits at Corporate Psycles are considering making an addition to future invoices (issued by the PsycleStore) which may include a footnote discussing most appropriate ‘tipping‘ policies.
Such a note may vary from time to time, reflecting our specific needs.
For example, yours truly has a desire to lose the laptop and MAC on the go…

For today, today’s special gift , baked goods*.
(Allegedly**) Venga Vega Vegan baked goods.

Direct from Ottawa, the Vegan Vengabond.

* Now we don’t recommend nor endorse the manufacture of goodies for OUR consumption.  Please limit YOUR contribution to monetary or commercially viable goods unless prior written consent has been provided in advance.  That is BEFORE you bake your scab collection into my meringue.
Nothing personal, I am sure you are a fine cook.  The fact is, the world is a scary place and many of you are creepy.

** Allegedly…as the packaging was suspiciously devoid of the appropriate, official and registered demarcations of the VEGA Empire…incidentally, VEGA is a Brendan Brasier production?  Pee.  You.

TANYA , the kind manipulative soul, has addressed these morsels to the “KEILLERS”.

This leads to the reasonable assumption that I am led to believe that this particular label was affixed with the intention to compel me to share…to offer MY gift, MY remuneration, to the devils of Dingle.

The “KEILLERS” did not provide her with stunning value.
The “KEILLERS” did not go above and beyond to ensure prompt and blasterific service.
The “KEILLERS” did not carefully hand select each component with their own hands from the very large and dangerous pile of components…specifically and explicitly, with no regard for their own safety, to ensure Tanya’s satisfaction.

But the “KEILLERS” will gleefully consume dessert for dinner.
Carrots be damned, afterall, you can’t spell ‘vegetables suck‘ without VEGA…

Some were sampled PRIOR to delivery to the devils…rather “KEILLERS”.
Despite a propensity for HEMP in their recipes, these delectable delights were hallucinogen free.

“Daddy?”
Yes William?
“What’s that written on the lid?”
On the lid William?
“On the lid daddy.”
Blimey William, it’s a message!
“Oh daddy, tell me what it says daddy!”
Bbbbeee bbeeefff.  BEEF.
“Yes daddy?”
Po poot.  POT.
“And???”
Beef Pot Pie.  Feb 2/06…BEEF POT PIE!
“Daddy?”
Yes William?
“Since when do VEGA VEGAN’S slaughter living beasties, cook their flesh and then freeze the charred remains for future consumption?”

True story.
About the writing on the lid.

No you can’t see it.
Tanya cleverly used a magical non-photographical felt-tip…but it is there.

Oh and in related news, Craig ‘BIG RING‘ Barlow sent me a coupon or paper or something for a free drink or piece of fucking fruit.

I put it down over there somewhere.
Thanks Craig.

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 5th, 2009 at 18:00 and is filed under General Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.