Ultimate Gift Guide: Rides

Planning is for others.

This is what you and yours will be doing and where you’ll be riding in 2010.

Dirt Sweat & Gears – May 15 Fayettville TN – 85-99$

Big money, big prizes, FREE beer.  FREE beer, quite possibly the only thing cold enough to beat southern hospitality into submission.
So good, even in a shitstorm of Tennessee clay couldn’t keep us away…
Short on cash?  eMail Thad.  He’s a man-whore of cycling love and would really like to help you out.  Repair his car and you can sleep with his three-legged dog.

Breckenridge Epic – August 22 – 28 Breckenridge CO – 995$

There’s the altitude…sure.  But there’s also everything else.  Compete or compose, it is a scene that must be sawed in a town that loved me dearly.
Mike McCluckcluck is verifiable, insanely organized and utterly thorough (my personal pre-race mandatory Michael exam lasted 45 minutes).
Gimmies and the like (included) with entry rival an Oscar party.  Without the annoying pretty people.

Crank The Shield – September 17-19 Muskoka ON – 429-699$ (CDN)

The stay at home race that isn’t a compromise, unless you consider the beastial life-style of course designer Sean ‘evolution can’t touch me‘ Ruppel.
The psyclic equivalent of seven days crammed into very family salvaging three.  Like a growed up stage race without all the superfluous travel and vacation gumming up the fun.
Value priced in easy to read Canadian Currency.  FREE tip: strategic starvation will ensure that your entry is well consumed, food is aplenty and edible with a capital m.

JoyRide 150 – Season Pass Markham ON – 399-599$ (CDN)

Still with that genuine new park smell.  OPEN NOW!
Get them their YEAR or SIX MONTH membership now, for the big-give day, that is, before the stuffed shirts realize just how much more they could take you for.
Skinnies, ramps, jumps and a foam pit of blinding death…
There is a large ‘meeting’ room for your rent as well.  Organize your brats party or lay plastic sheets and import Czech prostitutes for a one-of-a-kind stag the Summer’s family will never forget!

Trans-Sylvania Epic – May 30 – June 5 Spring Mills PA – 849-1199$

A little something new.  The inaugural Trans-Sylvania installment will offer amply impetus to ride through the shite of our wooly white season.
An early season kick in the crotchless chamois, so much so, only DSG will act as super primer for what lay ahead.
Buy that special someone this something that won’t end up costing even more.  That is, the closest reasonable estimates concocted by people (of entirely obvious bias) are that the end-of-the-day costs of getting to and riding in PA will be the cheapest of any option.
It’s true.

Ultimate CYCLIST’S Gift Guide: Tools.

This entry was posted on Monday, December 21st, 2009 at 12:04 and is filed under General Stuff, Ultimate Gifts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.